Saturday, November 14, 2009

Flapping in the Cooler

As anyone who is obsessed with reading my status updates on Facebook would know, yesterday I went finishing in the Pacific Ocean yesterday. I went with some of the guys living on island. We rented a boat and used their gear. When we launched, I was really excited. I didn't really care about catching fish, but being in the ocean on a boat is freeing. Sometimes I'll sing "Born Free" to myself while standing near the bow.

After we went through the pass from that lagoon side to the oean side, we headed towards a bird pile. This signals that birds are feeding on the abundant number of fish in the area. Clever. Well we didn't catch anything, which is unusual. We drove around for a while, passing the various islands. I wanted to get out and explore them.

On our way back we caught a 30lbs Yellowfin Tuna. On the floor of the boat, its mouth was wide, as if it were gasping for air. If only it breathed through its mouth. They dumped it in the cooler where my bottled water was. It looks like I'm not going to drink water for the rest of the trip. After a while, I hear a Boom Boom Boom from the cooler. It was that fish. For the next ten minutes, that's what I heard and felt coming from the cooler. Then it became more intense. BOOM BOOM BOOM. I thought of Egdar Allen Poe's Telltale Heart. The fish was pretty strong. Then it stopped. Suddenly I felt a boom boom boom boomity boom boom bo boom. The fish was in it's death throes. It went silent.

I know it's just a fish, but it was weird. We caught another fish and it bled all over the floor. I didn't know that fish can bleed like that. I thought to myself that tonight's dinner will be vegetarian, but I ate meat because it tasted good. We are planning to eat the fish tonight, so it went to a good cause.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Island Madness

The day before I left Virginia for Kwajalein via Honolulu, I decided to give myself a haircut. It was a spur of the moment idea when I realized that I wouldn't have a decent haircut for at least another two weeks. At first I just wanted to clean myself up along the sides and in the back. Then a peculiar event occured, and I ended up buzzing my entire head. I can't tell you what that even was. The closest I can explain is that it happened at midnight before going off to a place that I never wanted to see again.

This isn't my favorite place in the world. And to all those people who think this is a tropical island, they have never been to a real tropical or even subtropical island, or probably even a decent beach. To quote Charlotte from LOST, "This place is death!" I'm trying to enjoy it as much as I can without believing in a lie. After dark, I walked to the seaside part of the island and sang to the waves, but before I ran at sunset.

I wanted to run six miles, but I could only run four. What I really want to do is yoga, but there isn't any room. Tai chi it is. While on my run, this lady of a certain age rides her bicycle next to me and gives me the once over by openly staring at me. I always thought it would be fun and flattering to have someone treat me like a piece of meat, but it just made me uncomfortable. She didn't say anything for about a minute until I made awkard small talk. The point is, I'm still bragging that I finally attracted my very own creeper, but I remain unsettled by the experience itself. It must be the hair.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

My REAL Friends

Within the recent past, I've lost friends for what I call "personality flaws" and what others may refer to as not respectable. This probably doesn't apply to the whithering few who are still my friends and perhaps still read my blerg, but soon too, I fear you will defect and then there will be none. I already have a plan B because I've learned through Andersoon Cooper on "Oprah" that "Hope is not a plan." So in such an event that I end up with no friends left, and at the rate I'm going I foresee that within the next decade, I will make fictional characters my friends! It's the perfect plan, and I'll tell you why. Fictional characters (FC) are dependable, funny, and are easily replacable.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

My blerg, interrupted

I really disliked my blerg and therefore I deleted it. I wanted it to be honest and revelatory, but it only goes into half truths because I don't want to offend anyone and I am desperately seeking your approval. So I quit that bitch. It's a really hard balancing act to reveal ones life without it being cheap.

I've taken to writing in my real journal, which I kept before I started this whole online blogging business. I feel like I can be freer to say what I want. I can be darker or dirtier and not have to worry about the repercussions of it all. In short, it's more fun for me.

Plus the font of interesting stories of mine has run very dry. I haven't really done anything worth noting for a good four months when I met Andy Dick and I was invited to his hotel room. I went, by the way. Right now all I do is run because it makes me happy and it balances out my moods, which are a bit unstable(?) as of late. If anyone has any ludes, let me know.

So that's all for now from my dog and pony blerg.